Angry …? Frustrated …? Out of patience and about to lose it!!!???

We’re all human, and we all lose our temper occasionally – sometimes, with good reason. However, if angry outbursts are becoming a daily occurrence, it’s time to do something about it.

When we get angry, we not only potentially upset another person – but also harm ourselves. That’s because the powerful emotional surge caused by anger can take a heavy toll on both the mind and the body. When we get angry, our heart rate and blood pressure go up, and cortisol – the “fight or flight” hormone – spikes. And to make matters worse, attempting to suppress anger – stuffing down feelings until you explode – is equally detrimental to our mental and physical wellbeing.

Here are my favorite techniques to REWIRE the mind for healthy anger management and emotional control:

Go to bed! (Prioritize sleep).

Fatigue and lack of sleep are two of the most common causes of anger. When we’re tired and sleep deprived we’re far more likely to experience greater stress and the type of anxiety that makes us lose our temper. Before you explore any of the tips below, make sure you’re getting enough rest.

Think before you speak.

If you can, try to control your angry outburst by consciously taking a pause before you speak. Pause. Collect your thoughts. And resist the impulse to mindlessly “react.” This can be easier said than done. And this is where stress management techniques like meditation, yoga and breath work can pay dividends. If these techniques are part of your daily practice, you will find emotional control becomes a lot easier.

Take a break.

This one’s the most simple. If you feel your anger rising, walk away. If leaving isn’t possible, simply retreating to the restroom for a few minutes is a handy way to take some calming breaths, center yourself, and regain your composure. Better yet, step out into the fresh air and walk it off.

Mind your emotions.

Recognize that emotions come and go. Mindfulness means noticing thoughts and emotions as just that; temporary states that come and go. Notice, recognize, and let them pass by like clouds in the sky. Observe, feel the feelings, but resist the urge to react.

Check your environment.

Are you working or living in an environment that constantly stresses you out? If so, what can you do about it? Moving house or changing jobs may sound great but may not be possible – at least in the short term. If you can’t move, get creative, and explore other ways to relieve stress and make life easier. Solutions may include clearing clutter and establishing clear boundaries around living and working spaces. For example, I had a client who was constantly stressed out by the condition of their teenager’s chaotic bedroom – and their refusal to tidy up. One day, she made a conscious decision to close the door and stop stressing about it. She immediately became happier …and was a lot less angry around her kid. (And, amazingly, her kid eventually discovered the vacuum cleaner – although we can’t guarantee this outcome :).

Talk it out.

Express your anger – but do so in a safe space. Call a friend. Speak to a therapist. Find a safe space to talk it out. By talking it out you may identify the root of the issue or uncover certain “triggers” that help you better understand — and take charge of — your anger.

Work it out. (Literally).

Vigorous exercise like HIIT workouts, martial arts or boxing are powerful ways to release stress and manage anger. Even a brisk walk can be effective. The key is to follow your practice consistently, so a state of “calm” becomes your new normal.

Write it down.

Journaling or expressing your thoughts on paper is a useful way to manage and organize your emotions – and regain perspective. Write it down … sit with it … and then let it go.

Get help.

If angry outbursts are becoming a daily occurrence, don’t go it alone. Find a qualified therapist who can help you get to the root of the issue – and share new techniques that will bring yourself back to calm. If you can’t meet with a therapist in person, there are a number of affordable options that make therapy more accessible, using virtual tools like Zoom. In addition to talk therapy, other stress-relieving modalities like massage therapy, hypnosis or acupuncture can be of great benefit.

Bottom line, if anger is beginning to harm your health, work or relationships, don’t hesitate to seek qualified professional help.